


Let me love you till it hurts

by ImmortalRoot



Category: UnREAL (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, F/F, Femslash, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-08-10 23:00:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16464023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalRoot/pseuds/ImmortalRoot
Summary: Set at the beginning of 4x08 when Rachel begs Quinn to let her into her house/take her back, except that Rachel lashes out violently here.





	Let me love you till it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> I'm spiralling in Rachel/Quinn hell 24/7 so my hellbrain wrote this little fic really fast but I had to get it out of my head.

When Quinn parked her car in front of her house and got out, Rachel was ready to pounce. She stood awkwardly against her car with her legs crossed. She started pacing back and forth nervously. She wasn't going to just give up on the one person she was in love with.

 

“You were right. I am like so far gone. I just screwed up big time. Can I come in?” Rachel asked, as soon as Quinn walked close enough to her, trying to hide the desperation in her voice.

 

“Really not a good time.” Quinn answered, throwing her a glare before dropping her eyes. She didn’t have the energy or desire to deal with Rachel right now.

 

“Can I just say something? Can I just say that like everything that I did with Noelle and Maya, I’m just having a really hard time living with myself. I mean, my hair is falling out.”

 

Quinn could see right through her. She’s heard this all before. Rachel sounded like a broken record and Quinn didn’t want to listen to her bullshit anymore.

 

“I’m like, sick. And uh, I’m really ready to change.” Rachel pleaded, trying her best to smile convincingly.

 

“Really? Are you sure? Because, I mean, as far as I can tell, you’re still the same lost, self-indulgent, spoiled brat you were the day I met you.” Quinn hissed, looking Rachel up and down in disgust.

 

“Come on, Quinn, seriously?”

 

“I am serious, okay? It never ends with you. You LOVE feeling bad. You roll around in it like a pig in shit. You wanted that stupid cabin, I helped you get that cabin. Then you wanted to put a ring on it and as ballistically mental as that was, look!” She points to Rachel’s ringed finger.

 

“I-“ Rachel averted her eyes, her chest tightening. She tried to keep herself from falling apart in front of the only person who really mattered to her. She just wanted to use Tommy to make Quinn jealous for a little while. She just wanted Quinn to give a shit about her again...

 

“Crazy Rachel got that too. So what now? You having cold feet?” Quinn spit before continuing to walk to her door.

 

“No, I’m just trying to make things right. I mean, come on, isn’t this what you wanted?” Rachel grabbed Quinn’s arm and forced her to look her in the eye.

 

“I am so sick and deeply tired of you pretending to be a better person than you are. You are a bad person, Rachel Goldberg, and you do bad things. And so do I, but at least I admit it.” Quinn’s fake smile turns into her choking back tears.

 

“Quinn, I AM admitting it, okay? That’s why I’m here.”

 

“Yeah, well it’s too late. I finally realised what everybody has known about you for a very long time.” Quinn admitted, before she opened the front door and walked into her house.

 

“And what’s that?”

 

“That you are a bad bet. I have an ACTUAL life to live. I am out of the Rachel Goldberg business FOR GOOD.”

 

“Come on! What do you want? You want me on my hands and knees grovelling?” Rachel raises her hands, a ticking time bomb about to blow.

 

“It wouldn’t hurt because at least you’d be committing to SOMETHING.”

 

“Come on Quinn, how is this not enough?” Rachel moves strands of her dirty blonde hair out of her face.

 

“You wanted to be the showrunner. Now you are the STINKING showrunner. So why don’t you grow up and go run. Your. Show.”

 

Quinn attempted to shut the front door but Rachel stopped her with her foot, pushing her way in. They shoved each other back and forth as if they were middle schoolers fighting until Quinn stops. Rachel blew her hair out of her face, out of breath, and frustrated.

 

“Rachel, get out.” Quinn warned, her eyes hard.

 

Rachel pulled up her sleeve and raised her arm. “Money. Dick. Power. Right?” She pulled a knife out of her pocket with her other arm and started carving around the skin of her wrist where the tattoo is.

 

“Jesus Christ, Rachel, stop it! What the hell are you doing?!” Quinn shouted, trying to snatch the knife away from her.

 

Rachel’s eyes started tearing up as she dug the knife deeper into her flesh. “You’re the only person that ever believed in me, y’know? You took a chance on me when nobody else would. And I fucked it up like I always do. I fucked it all up.”

 

“Rachel, please just put down the damn knife.”

 

“No! I wanted to prove myself to you. I wanted to make you proud.” Rachel paused, shutting her blurry eyes closed as she continued carving around her skin, blood pouring down her arm. “I just wanted to be with you.” She burst into tears, her lip quivering. The thought of Quinn leaving her forever overwhelmed her with hurt.

 

“God, Rachel, I _am_ proud of you. Sure, I haven’t always been the most encouraging boss, but I did that for your own good. Now, please just calm down and give me the knife.”

 

As Rachel screamed while cutting out her skin, Quinn pulled out her phone and dialled 911. 

 

“Hang up the damn phone!” Rachel threatened, in between sobs, pointing her knife at Quinn, while her wrist dripped blood on the floorboard. The skin was half cut now, and peeled back involuntarily.

 

Quinn told the paramedics her address before she hung up the phone and put it slowly back in her pocket. “Rachel, you’re not thinking straight, okay. You need help.”

 

She wasn’t going to lose Rachel without a fight, and she knew that putting Rachel in a psych ward would do more harm than good, given her history of abuse from her mother.

 

“I just need you to know how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you.” Rachel wept, her eyes swelling from the deluge of tears.

 

She could feel herself getting dizzy as she fell to her knees and landed on her side. A pool of blood started to gush from Rachel’s arm as Quinn ran over and wrapped her arms around her. Rachel’s eyes were half-open as Quinn’s head hovered over her.

 

“If you die, I will _never_ forgive you, Goldberg.” Quinn swore through gritted teeth, her eyes filled with tears.

 

She held Rachel like her life depended on it. As if she were missing a part of herself. Because the truth was, they couldn’t live without each other no matter how hard they tried. Rachel was like a black hole and Quinn couldn’t help but get sucked in every time.

 

*

 

Rachel woke up with tubes stuck into her arm, in a dressing gown, and the monitor recording her heartbeat beside her. She sat up frantically, turning her head left and right.

 

“Quinn? Quinn?” she yelled hysterically.

 

Quinn stirred awake, jumping up from her chair and moving to stand beside Rachel. “I’m here, I’m here. I’m never leaving you ever again.”

 

“You promise?” Rachel asked, starting to cry again.

 

“You’ve been asleep for a day and I’ve been here the whole time.” She squeezed Rachel’s fingers. Rachel saw that Quinn still wore the same clothes, except that they were covered in her dried blood.

 

“I’m sorry, that was really dumb. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.” Rachel apologised as she looked at her bandaged wrist with blood still seeping through it.

 

“It’s okay. Just promise me that you won’t scare me like that ever again, okay?” Quinn said, even though she knew that Rachel could never keep a promise like that.

 

Rachel fell back into her bed, breathing heavily. Quinn stared at her momentarily before crawling into bed beside her, slipping her arm around Rachel’s shoulder. Rachel reached out with her tattooed arm and knotted fingers with Quinn.

 

She looked up at Quinn with exhausted, swollen eyes. “I love you, Quinn,” she said, the words so heavy they hung in the air between them.

 

The three words completely anchored Quinn’s heart. She couldn't remember the last time she had heard Rachel say it. This time it felt final. She was undeniably in love with Rachel Goldberg. It was time she stopped shoving it down.

 

“I know.” Quinn replied simply, kissing Rachel’s forehead.


End file.
